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Over the past three weeks I have been busy writing the chapter on Tutu for my book\u00a0Dream Chasers<\/em>\u00a0. The chapter title is Wounded Healers<\/em> and its insights are worth more than gold! But in the writing process it\u2019s always a challenge to decide what to take in and what to leave out. So I have decided to share some of what I had to leave out! Tutu Unplugged<\/em> is a blog with Q and A from my own\u00a0interview and research I\u2019ve done!<\/p>\n Your greatest message to the world is that there is not future without forgiveness. Who was your main teacher on forgiveness? Desmond Tutu:<\/strong> Life! Ha,ha,ha (Tutu giggle). I think most of us know from our own personal experiences that if it were impossible to be forgiven and to forgive, and so to be reconciled, you could just as well close down humankind! Imagine a husband and wife relationship. No matter how much in love they are, and even if they are both angels \u2013 there does come a time when they have a falling out \u2013 and if they don\u2019t work at reconciliation where one of them is saying what in all languages are the most difficult words: \u201cI am sorry, forgive me,\u201d and where the other needs to forgive, there actually is no future for that relationship!<\/p>\n And if you extrapolate it, it\u2019s a political reality. Imagine if we hadn\u2019t had a Nelson Mandela who urged us to walk a path of reconciliation and forgiveness and not the path of retribution \u2013 where would we be in South Africa? Or think of Northern Ireland where they began to choose a different path. We live in a time where we are so suspicious of one another and God weeps. He weeps and says \u201cMy children, you belong to one family. Anthropology has tried to work that out, saying we all come from Africa from the same mother called \u2018Eve\u2019 \u2013 so we are all African! We have to accept each other\u2019s differences and not chose retribution.<\/p>\n Forgiveness is not always easy, in particular if the person that has wronged you does not say \u2018I am sorry\u2019<\/em>. How do you deal with that? Desmond Tutu:\u00a0<\/strong>Of course it is always better if the perpetrator shows remorse and is contrite, but even if he isn\u2019t, forgiveness is something you do for your own sake. When Jesus hung on the cross he didn\u2019t say \u201cHey guys, I\u2019m waiting for you to say \u2018I\u2019m sorry\u2019\u201d. No, he even found an excuse for them! \u201cForgive them for they do not know what they are doing.\u201d So you have to ask yourself who is the guy that\u2019s really free! By releasing your right to retribution you unchain yourself from the perpetrator and can move forward. If you hold on to hatred and revenge, you are still chained to the person that has wronged you. So forgiveness is something you do for your own sake!<\/p>\n As a perpetrator the only way how you can appropriate forgiveness is confession and actually receive the forgiveness. It is like opening a window. Forgiveness is like the fresh air and the sun that is outside and you have the windows and curtains closed. The wind is still out there, my forgiveness is still available to you, but it won\u2019t find access until you open the window and the light streams in. You draw the curtains apart and the fresh air comes in. As a perpetrator, by your contrition and confession, you open that window and my forgiveness can enter your being.<\/p>\n How can one persevere with so much negativity around you like you had\u00a0<\/strong>during apartheid?<\/strong><\/p>\n Desmond Tutu:<\/strong> It\u2019s important to have affirmative people around. You try to find people who affirm you. It is important to try and not stand alone. You are an easy target if you are alone. You need to try and form coalitions. What sustained you during the difficult time of fighting apartheid and the hearings of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, when you heard more than 20.000 individual stories of suffering and horror people experienced under apartheid?<\/strong><\/p>\n Desmond Tutu:<\/strong> For me personally it has been to seek the times of quiet. There are so many noises around us and I personally need to seek the quiet to hear God and commune with him. I was trained as a priest in a convention and I stuck to the regiment of early devotion. So that is something I have practiced ever since I\u2019ve become a priest and it has sustained me. And then there is the prayers of so many others which have sustained me. Without the prayers of so many who have offered prayer for me I could not have made it.<\/p>\n You have had a really remarkable life and a great impact on the nation\u2019s history. If you could identify one thing that got you there \u2013 what would it be?<\/strong><\/p>\n Desmond Tutu:\u00a0<\/strong>I\u2019ve got a hot line up! I\u2019m not trying to be modest, but the fact of the matter is that when you stand out in a crowd it is only because you are being carried on the shoulders of others! If the people at home had repudiated me when I stood up told the nations of the world we need sanctions<\/em> \u2013 where would I have been? Nothing! Nowhere! And I am so aware of how much I owe to others<\/strong>. I know that there are so many people praying for me!<\/p>\n In public speaking they always say you should tell stories \u2013 I have one original story, and that\u2019s the story of little light bulb<\/em>. Light bulb was so full of himself, putting himself in the center and shining bright. One day someone unscrewed light bulb from the socket and put it on the table. Light bulb tried to shine as hard as he could \u2013 he tried. Light bulb went cold and black, because light bulb had forgotten that while he shone he was connected through these invisible wires to the dynamo! So when Tutu appears spectacular with a large nose<\/em> in the front pages it is only because there are some fantastic people doing a great deal of praying! (Tutu giggles heartily)<\/p>\n
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\nLook at yourself in the mirror \u2013 don\u2019t be scared at what you see \u2013 and say to you \u2018I\u2019m the cat\u2019s whiskers!\u201d I am the best thing that God ever created! We can be put down so easily and it is important that we have a proper affirmation of who we really are. In the world there are people called VIP<\/strong>s, they don\u2019t stand in any queues and things like that. The bottom thing is remembering that you are a VSP<\/strong> \u2013 a very special person, and that God didn\u2019t make a mistake creating you! You are the only one of your kind.<\/p>\n